When intense passion and sensual feelings emerge before devotion and trust, then love and affection may fail to materialize. That can burden a new relationship with misunderstandings and a lack of tolerance.
Sudden sensual and erotic involvement will only make a couple feel close prematurely. A foundation of trust, with mutual respect, is needed to get through tough times and misunderstandings.
I know many couples that ended new relationships because of misunderstandings. I’ve had a couple of relationships myself that ended early, after a quick progression at the start, and I had learned some valuable lessons from these experiences.
In a new relationship, neither partner learned to recognize what’s behind the actions and words of the other. People sometimes have an ulterior motive for their actions, or their response to events can be due to prior experiences they’ve had. That can cause their partner confusion and create misunderstandings. Couples need to discover the background that makes each other function as they do.
Only when both partners learn the true feelings of each other, can they indeed be comfortable with one another and grow together in a maturing relationship. That takes time and requires acceptance of problematic issues that may be construed as annoying, especially if little is understood about the underlying matters.
When partners learn to recognize the quality of the relationship, they will be able to experience a growing and loving relationship that includes more respect than just an attraction due to lust.
The problem with a relationship that grows intimately too quickly is that one rarely has time to be aware of and acknowledge the good things about their partner.
The ability to understand an individual’s nuances takes time to develop. Before that is achieved, misunderstandings can hinder love and respect. Not enough time has passed yet to express how much they cherish and admire one another.
Partners haven’t had time yet to create a history of successful interactions. If too many conflicts occur near the beginning, both parties might dwell on the conflicts and overlook the good things. Recognizing positive qualities in one’s partner can help keep a relationship secure.
When one partner complains of being hurt due to miscommunication, the other may tend to bring up occasions where they were also hurt. That doesn’t do any good for the success of the relationship. It just antagonizes one another and creates bitter resentment. That is unfortunate since the entire problem stems from the inability to understand one another.
In the early stage of a relationship, one doesn’t have the full depth of understanding where their partner is coming from. Their feelings and mannerisms are based on previous lessons and experiences. These feelings are not yet known well enough by each other to be able to have empathy and to understand what really is going on.
Some people nitpick on what his or her partner says without considering the true feelings of love that might be developing. It’s important to realize that actions speak louder than words. Only the actions show the true feelings one has for the other.
Words can be misconstrued or taken out of context, especially when partners have not yet learned how the other functions on a verbal level. For example, even jokes can be taken literally when not understood to be in jest.
I had this trouble once with a friend who took me seriously when I made a joke in an email. Interestingly, when I mentioned that experience to a psychologist, he asked if I included LOL in the email.
I did not, and that might have helped make it apparent I was kidding.
When these misunderstandings occur, some words might be inferred as hurtful, when all along something completely different was meant.
Incorrectly presuming the meanings of a partner's actions and behaviors can cause one to have hurt feelings too. So it's essential to communicate and learn about a partner’s perspective on issues that may be negatively affecting a relationship.
Some people tend to give up quickly when problems or disputes occur, especially if the relationship didn’t mature yet. They overlook the positive experiences and dwell on the negative.
When trouble develops, focus on the desire to keep the relationship alive. This may require compromise. If both partners genuinely have a commitment to the relationship, then they will find the ability to look for solutions. Trying to be flexible can usually accomplish this.
Flexibility can be difficult, especially if values, beliefs, and goals are vastly different. Compromising may be difficult to achieve. A better solution might be a collaboration.
Both partners should be on the same side of one another as team players. Work on a common goal. Discuss what’s important. Once that can be done, differences in values and beliefs can be an acceptable compromise. Remember, the success of the relationship must be thought of ahead of the issues. Assuming, of course, that both partners want the relationship to continue and flourish.
We are all flawed in one way or another. However, one thing I have always realized: Every relationship I’ve had has helped me become a better person. Love changes us.
As a relationship matures, we allow room for our perceptions to be changed. We grow with the newfound habits that we observe of our partner.
Judging actions and incorrectly inferring meanings of a partner’s behaviors can cause one to have hurt feelings. It’s important to communicate and learn about a partner’s perspective on issues that may be negatively affecting a relationship.
When a relationship is given a chance to mature, both partners learn to appreciate the values of one another. They question their own identity and allow themselves to learn from the differences. They may even create a feeling of comfort with the way their partner lives. They begin to identify with it.
They feel a certain amount of growth as they pick up little tidbits of their partner’s identity. They enjoy the feeling. They feel as if it’s making them a better person.
Once partners are in a deep, intimate relationship, they conduct themselves differently. They respect each other more. They accept differences without being judgmental.
If they can hear each other, and understand why the other is functioning as they are, then a momentous growth towards something beautiful will be achieved.
Eventually, they feel they are on the same team. They protect one another. Each one has the others back. It can be a turning point leading to a progressive future together.
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