I have a theory: If you love someone and have great respect for your partner, then you may have trouble experiencing lust.
Love can keep two people together, and lust can keep the relationship alive. However, what happens when “respect” gets in the way? Somehow lust and respect don’t always work well together. Let’s begin with a clearly defined definition of each to understand where I’m going with this discussion.
You might be thinking that lust is only the desire for sex without caring for your partner’s feelings. Maybe that’s true, but before I go any further, let’s examine the definition of lust and love according to Webster’s Dictionary.
An overwhelming desire or craving:
Not so bad, right? That could apply to anything you ever wanted in your life, such as a craving for chocolate. A lust for sweets. That could imply “enthusiasm,” such as a lust for life. It’s nice to be enthusiastic about something.
An intense longing:
That could be an intense longing for someone or anything at all. There’s nothing seriously wrong with this either.
An unrestrained sexual desire:
Okay, now we’re getting closer to the naughty side. We might say that lust is a physical need for someone.
Now let’s review some definitions of love from Webster’s Dictionary and compare them with lust.
Strong affection arising out of kinship or personal ties:
The love of family members is unmistakably an example where we can love someone and never have feelings of lust.
Warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion:
When partners have all these feelings, they tend to be committed to the relationship without considering lust.
Let’s examine the dilemma of love, lust, and respect.
Some people can only lust after another when they don’t respect them. I found some agreement among men and women about this. I also found others who deny that lust has anything to do with a healthy relationship. You be the judge.
The premise of this discussion is to determine how respect can hinder the strong emotional feelings of lust that can help make a healthy relationship romantic.
Allow me to propose this idea to contemplate:
When a man respects and appreciates a woman, he can’t love her with a strong sense of lust. That is a bold statement for me to make. It certainly does not apply to all men. However, from my observation, it does explain the mental attitude of some men.
In my opinion, those who function solely on lust can only love someone who they don’t respect. Can this be a healthy relationship?
How do they interpret love? Are they confusing love with lust? I think so. A man will find it difficult to respect a woman who he lusts after if that is the only feeling he has towards her. (This can apply to women’s feelings towards men too, but I’ll focus on this from a man’s point of view for the sake of this discussion.)
Thinking this way, a man will never have the satisfaction of lust in a healthy, loving relationship. Is it correct to say that a man can only feel lust for a woman when he has a lack of respect for her?
That’s what I’m attempting to determine. And I’ll deduce that for you with the remaining points below.
If a man who is in an emotional affair starts to fall in love with a woman who he respects, then he may find himself confused with having the thoughts of love and lust at the same time.
He finds himself treating her with total respect. He treats her like a princess. He wants everything for her. He wants to make her happy. But with all this respect and caring, can he still lust after her?
Can he be transparent with her and share secret lustful joys with her? He might be sheltering her from his erotic thoughts, or he might be afraid to share them with her due to his respect for her.
Now, this brings me to an important consideration. Is it merely a normal sexual behavior that adds joy and entertainment to a relationship?
Erotic thoughts are not terrible, and every good and healthy relationship includes this kind of sharing. It opens the door for sexual expression between a man and a woman.
Why, then, is there an issue with opening up emotionally with a woman with whom the man has total respect?
Is respect creating a brick wall? Is it hindering any ability to make an emotionally united partnership out of it?
Is it correct to say that love and lust are mutually exclusive? That is to say, that we can have either one but not both?
I know many men who have chosen a life with a woman who is not right for them. They married out of lust, not love. In some cases that works, because love develops from it. Well, sometimes it does, but it’s not my cup of tea. I want love and lust, as well as respect.
If you have lust with someone and you fall in love, the love will keep you together, and the lust will keep the relationship alive.
In my opinion, lust is essential for a relationship to flourish. We certainly need love, no question about it. But without lust, the romance in a relationship can dwindle over time.
It’s lust that keeps some types of people from seeking other partners. Other types of people have the desire to remain faithful simply because of the love they feel.
I believe that “lust” has a lot to do with having a deep-felt, loving relationship — as long as one can combine it with respect. In a healthy relationship, if you love each other, that love continues to feed on itself.
If you started with lust and discovered later that the person is someone you appreciate, then love may follow, and you stay together. However, if you respect someone before developing lust or love, then when you do fall in love, lust is difficult to discover. Does that make sense?
Can lust in a romantic relationship continue as partners develop more feelings for one another? Let’s examine the issue.
Relationships begin with all types of feelings. In some cases, lustful feelings cause the initial attraction. That isn’t a bad thing. It’s natural. It’s a result of our primal urge to procreate.1
If two people love each other, care for each other, and enjoy being together, then wouldn’t it be fantastic for the lust to last for the remainder of their lives together?
The only way to avoid losing lustful interest is to share those feelings with your partner. Communication is the key. It means you want to be committed to the relationship.
If you both feel the same about one another, and you both are committed to a lifelong relationship, then work on it together to keep it alive. Remember, you are on the same team. Functioning as team players with a mutual goal will keep it alive.
Love can keep a couple together, and lust can keep the relationship alive. There’s nothing wrong with this type of passion as long as it’s balanced with other necessary feelings that add strength to a partnership.
If you have a healthy respect for your partner, then you might have trouble keeping the lustful feelings alive. If you find this happening, try to get in touch with your overall emotions with acceptance and trust. It’s essential to keep the attraction associated with lust alive for the benefit of a lasting relationship.
If sensual feelings emerge before devotion and trust occur, then I think that love and affection may fail to materialize.
Erotic interest will only make a couple feel close prematurely without regard to personal values that can make or break a relationship. I can attest to that. Been there — done that. It had always worked better when a foundation of trust, with mutual respect, was part of the relationship.
If lust is the focus, the partners will have nothing else left to get through tough times and misunderstandings? It’s important to understand the difference.
Lust is brought about by immediate, passionate attraction while love develops over time. Young people tend to confuse one with the other. They feel they are in love because they have those strong feelings of attachment that is only a result of lust.
Love is considered by many to be related to spiritual goals. Lust is more related to physical or sexual goals based on an intense physical attraction.2
If you base your interest on physical appearance, and you fantasize about your partner without any consideration for intelligence or values, then it’s most likely lust that is guiding your feelings.
It becomes even more apparent when you can admit you have a strong sexual desire and you never give any thought to the faults of your partner that you might otherwise notice. That is a reliable indicator that it’s only lust.
If you lust after someone and you have no other emotional feelings, then you don’t care if your values differ or if you have different opinions about important issues.
Your relationship will eventually fail unless a meaningful emotional attachment develops based on the discovery of similar values and genuine concern for one another.
In a relationship that’s based more on reality than just lustful fantasy, one eventually tends to notice faults in another person. Admit it, we all have flaws. The thing with true love, however, is that we look past those faults with a healthy attitude.3
When we have only lust, we look past any flaws in an unhealthy way. What I mean is, we could end up overlooking real red flags that would indicate significant reasons not to get involved. That tends to occur because we only focus on fantasy. We could care less about attitudes that bother us.
That sounds like a catch-22. After all, the ability to accept bothersome attitudes inherent in a partner is a good thing. It’s healthy. It’s what keeps people together. However, it’s not healthy when applied to a bad relationship solely for sensual gratification.
Love develops over time as partners get to know each other. It progresses into a meaningful and caring partnership with each one focused on wanting to make the other happy. If it’s true love, it can last.
Unfortunately, trials and tribulations in life can cause unforeseen conflicts to get in the way and destroy the continued bond of love. The outcome depends on the personalities of both partners. Some people know how to be team players in a relationship. They are willing to work things out when trouble pursues.
Lust can occur instantly based on physical attraction and sexual fantasy. It’s usually not based on any concrete reality. That’s unfortunate because, without the additional development of love that is triggered by emotional bonds, lust itself will fade and eventually fail to keep the partners together.
Without the bonds of love, changes that occur with aging can cause physical attraction to dissipate and hinder any lustful feelings. However, when two people live with each other and see each other every day, they hardly notice one another aging.
More importantly, if love is a significant in the relationship, and if its bond is stable, the partners can either continue with romance or even find ways to keep the lust alive as well.
The fact is that we want to spend our life with someone we truly love. Passion can be an enjoyable component of a relationship. But if it’s only for lust, then something is wrong.
A relationship built solely on lust will probably not last past the honeymoon phase. But it can open the door to mutual respect and love. You will eventually know the difference.
If you’re in a loving and respectful relationship, but it’s devoid of lust, that’s fine if the love is strong enough. If lust is desired, then help one another create it with honest and thoughtful communication. Some people feel that it’s part of romance.
The trick is to start with lust, then fall deeply in love, and let the respect develop later. However, there is no way to control the order of things. It’s all part of life. There’s no need to overanalyze. Just go with the flow and be happy with one another.
Was this meaningful to you? Tap
