Why do we sometimes get involved with someone who doesn’t quite fulfill our needs? As a result, when something is missing in a relationship, we tend to hold off on making a permanent commitment.
We may still live, love, and laugh, but both partners may feel a sense of emptiness. And we may be so uneasy about it that we fail to communicate our needs. Especially if what’s missing is a strong need that we may be ignoring.
So, let’s begin by getting in touch with your needs.
Some people think we are commitment-phobic. In reality, we have no problem building long-term relationships. But they go nowhere. Something important is missing.
What’s missing may be some strong need of ours that we don’t realize we have. It’s important to know what this strong need is, or else we may remain stuck.
We need to accept not having it or recognize that we can’t live without it. Then stop wasting time with an unsuitable partner, especially if it’s not contributing to the life we want.
If you are generally happy with things, but just have that feeling that something is missing, the first thing to do is understand why that feeling is there. It may be something you need to change.
Some people are powerless; they can’t make the required changes because they never get in touch with what’s wrong.
Do you have a strong need for something so vital that you can’t imagine living without it, but you can’t quite figure out what it is?
That might be what’s in the way. But to have a better relationship, you have to know what it is. You might keep searching for a perfect partner in vain if you don’t know what your absolute necessity is.
You’ll never know what’s preventing your success with a healthy relationship if you don’t focus on this need. You’ll end up going from partner to partner without fully involving yourself in any relationship. Does this sound like the pattern of your life?
If you find someone with whom you share the same understanding, someone you appreciate, and you trust one another, then you’ll find it easier to get involved emotionally, and you’ll know it. Better yet, you’ll feel it.
Use that trust and understanding to discuss the issues you might be having. Open and honest communication will help you both work on a compromise and find solutions to relationship problems.
At least it may help you both recognize the limits of the relationship. Accept it or avoid throwing away years with an incompatible partner.
Failure to communicate can lead to misunderstandings. Talking about it can help clear up the confusion.
If we don’t recognize when we are with someone who is not right for us, then we stay anyway for any of several reasons: For sex, for companionship, a travel partner, whatever. In this case, we are not allowing ourselves to become available for the right person.
Looking back on my experiences, I’ve noticed that I have had relationships where we just never discussed and shared our dreams. We enjoyed being together, but we didn’t work at creating growth towards a common goal — the goal of marriage.
Why I kept finding women who were so patient, I do not know. I must have been subconsciously selecting women who were so patient that they just went along with being in a relationship without needing to discuss its future.
We were fooling ourselves. We were in a relationship, but we didn’t examine any plans for the future. There was physical intimacy but no emotional intimacy.
Learning what the collective needs are and what we both want from the relationship is essential. Sharing this knowledge only works when we have open communication and emotional availability.
Otherwise, there may be a lack of commitment. Or worse, both partners may want something different out of life, but they are comfortable with the status quo of the existing relationship. Can a thing like that last?
If you’ve gotten comfortable with the status quo of your relationship and are happy with it, there’s nothing wrong with that. Happiness is a good thing.
However, if it stands in the way of something significant that you know you want, then you need to examine your needs. What’s missing? Is it a goal for a particular kind of relationship that you never went after? Is it a dream that you never pursued?
Many feelings can get in the way of moving forward. Some of those feelings may be fear that things will turn out differently than we want.
Is there something you were passionate about and planned to achieve, but never completed the task? We often lose sight of ideals that are important to us.
We often think about what’s important to us, but how many of us make good use of these thoughts and actually do something about it?
I know many people who are very successful and have achieved a lot in life. However, there were other things they had wanted, and they felt a void in their personal life.
When they tell me what they missed out on, I ask what they are doing about it. And they say they are too busy with other things.
At that point, I ask what they feel is more important. The stuff they are busy with, the goal they didn’t pursue, or their relationship with that extraordinary person they are grateful to have in their life.
We need to know when we are wasting time in an unacceptable relationship. And we need to have the determination to end it or fix it. But we shouldn’t give it too much thought. By overthinking it, we find all the reasons why it’s no good.
We’ll know it’s right when we accept the other person as they are, despite our fears and uncertainties. When we realize we’re in an incredible relationship, we need to maintain the concept that this is the one. And that we want the relationship forever.
Life is short, and we all have dreams to fulfill. If we don’t focus on what we truly want in life and the kind of person we want to spend it with, we may someday realize that we wasted the precious years we could have had together.
Was this meaningful to you? Tap
