All the questions in this article will help you recognize the positive aspects you already share with your partner and discover what you might be overlooking so you can appreciate and strengthen your relationship.
Give your partner recognition for what you admire. Show that you’re aware of it. Sharing these feelings can have a positive influence on your relationship. Let’s begin with four examples that you might admire the most.
1. What have you found that you both enjoy doing together?
Try not to lose sight of the incredible times you share. Bring it up for discussion and make a mutual decision to repeat those events you both cherish doing together. Don’t let the few good things go unnoticed. Identify. Acknowledge. Repeat.
2. Do you feel comfortable and relaxed with your partner?
Is it challenging for you to communicate with your partner about personal issues?
When things don’t go as we would want, some people back off rather than confront the situation by talking about it. That stifles a relationship.
It’s vital to keep the intimacy alive by sharing feelings, discussing what’s bothering you, and asking for input from your partner about their thoughts and feelings.
3. Do you feel that you can be yourself?
If you can’t be yourself because your partner doesn’t accept your behavior or the nuances of your lifestyle, then an in-depth heart-to-heart talk is necessary. Don’t let this go without discussing it. It will only erode your self-esteem and worsen over time.
4. Are you and your partner intellectually compatible?
Some men seek beauty before brains. Some women consider security before appearance. If one desires intelligence, nothing will compensate for the lack of it in one’s partner.
However, that doesn’t necessarily stand in the way. These differences might be unimportant if all other aspects of the relationship are healthy and compatibility is confirmed.
One mistake I used to make was not appreciating the similarities between us. These things are crucial for having a wonderful relationship that can last a lifetime. But we need to be aware of it to know how we feel about them.
The following five revealing questions will help you recognize the positive aspects you already share with your partner.
1. Do you share the same values about life?
As far as your values are concerned, do you know what your partner thinks about being kind to others, preserving the environment, treating animals well, and appreciating friends? Is this how you feel about these things?
2. Do you feel you work together as a team?
How do you both manage stress? Are you there for each other during hectic situations?
How about the way you both handle complicated matters? Do you work on it together as a team until you solve the problem in these situations?
3. Are you both compatible with everyday life situations?
Do you both share the same ideas of where to live — a small town or a big city?
Do you share similar social desires, such as gathering with friends or hosting parties? How about the need for alone time? Are you compatible with that as well?
Compatibility also includes things such as eating habits, music preferences, and travel choices. Do you share the same desires? Maybe it doesn’t matter, and that’s a valid choice too.
4. Do you have similar plans for the future?
Where do you see yourselves in 5, 10, or 20 years? That is important to know, or else you may drift apart.
Knowing this now is better, so you can decide what’s essential and what’s not. Be honest about deal breakers. Sometimes, they can be resolved with a compromise.
5. Do you both have a special place where you can be alone?
Some people call it a Man Cave. Women have one, too. They call it their Lady Cave. It’s a room set aside just for their personal use and enjoyment. If both partners accept and appreciate it, then it’s okay.
If you haven’t gotten to the point where you can expect your partner to respect your feelings, this can stand in the way of emotional intimacy. Try to get past that. Work on it by talking about it. It’s important.
If you don’t get respect and give it, too, then the relationship may be doomed to failure.
Mutual respect is an essential factor in feeling wanted and desired. I like to think of it as a team where the two of you are mutually beneficial partners.
Did your life change for the better after you got involved?
It’s normal to remember the bad times more than the good times. It’s the same as how people complain about bad customer relations with a company, but rarely show appreciation for excellent service.
That seems to be how humans behave, but try to overcome that in your relationship. Think about the changes your partner brought into your life that had a positive effect.
Can you see definite reasons for a great future together?
Taking into account what you now realize, how do you visualize your relationship going forward? Do you have a stronger feeling for the companionship you share?
Repeating a question I asked you earlier in this article, where do you see yourself with this relationship in 5, 10, or 20 years?
Is the answer any different now after reading this article? Do you have a better idea of what you really want in your relationship? Do you see a great future together in the way you both think, relate, and view the world?
This article will help you understand and align your expectations with your needs. That will help you create a more fulfilling relationship with a purpose.
Perfection hunters will never find a perfect mate. So it would help to soul-search and determine the facts. Does your partner have imperfections that you can’t accept, or are you looking for more than you’ll ever find?
You can begin to change your expectations by evaluating the lifelong potential for happiness. Consider the future together.
Your future can be pleasant and rewarding, but you need to be sure your relationship is going in the right direction. Think it through in your mind. Do you see growth potential?
If you agree with the following four statements, then your relationship has strong potential for successful growth.
Good relationships with a pleasant partner are hard to come by. A healthy relationship that continues to grow requires emotional intimacy to be successful.
You’ll want to achieve a closeness that allows insightful communication, an understanding of expectations, appreciation for different preferences and priorities, and a willingness to find common ground. Let’s examine each of these ideas in more detail.
If your relationship is stagnant with no plans for the future, something might be wrong. In most cases, it’s due to miscommunication — or lack of communication altogether.
If something is bothering you, don’t hold it in. Discuss it with your partner. He or she may not have been aware that they were doing something that was troubling you.
You only have problems if your partner doesn’t wish to listen or discuss the issue. If you find yourself in an argument, try to determine if you are not explaining yourself well.
If your partner is a non-listener, an effective method to overcome that is to give examples of how they might feel if it were the other way around.
Make productive statements, not condescending remarks. Focus on solving a problem rather than trying to win an argument. Sometimes you may have to compromise.
You both need to be on equal ground. Discuss things with fairness and a good understanding of where the other is coming from with their feelings. Remember that you are in this together as a team.
When you have too many expectations, you might envision much more than your partner can offer. Furthermore, you might become disappointed if things don’t turn out the way you had hoped.
Begin by thinking about what you want from the relationship. Was it based on things you already saw as possible? If not, was it based on dreams you’ve had all your life — of a future you wanted to have?
The next step is to come to terms with reality. Try to adjust your thinking to the way things are and not about the way you thought they ought to be.
Having realistic expectations could be difficult. But try to go with the flow. You may never have it so good again. Once you’re focused on what you have, rather than what you want, you may find yourself appreciating your partner more.
Everything that happens in a relationship is valuable for growth. Even though differences can cause problems in a relationship, sometimes they can add value as well. Those differences can be the ingredients for growth since one’s partner can introduce new viewpoints to consider.
Each of you may have different priorities and values. For that reason, you need to talk about it and find some common ground.
It’s crucial to pay attention to your partner’s reaction while having these discussions. Their response will help you notice the problem areas that need consideration. You both need to do that to find a mutual understanding.
In addition, body language is useful since smiles or frowns can indicate more than words ever say.1
These discussions can be the most meaningful communication you might ever have with your partner and can lead to significant growth.
Besides each partner’s personality, a relationship has its own character. It’s based on the combination of both of you. Therefore, your relationship develops its own identity.
That means two things:
To achieve those two points, work on the following three missions:
Joining forces to build a relationship with excellent communication and fairness can reinforce trust and mutual respect. These are elements of a healthy relationship.2
When partners work on a common goal, they feel more involved with one another as a team. They each learn how dependable their partner is while working on their relationship.
The act of sharing mutual interests will also give them something to focus on. Making a plan that you both work on together can be a game-changer.
You have your own needs, and it’s okay to expect your partner to appreciate what they are. However, never forget that your partner has needs too. For example, your partner may prefer doing things together a lot, while you feel the need for “alone time” more often.
You can’t always have it your way. When you detect that there are different preferences with needs not being met, work on an acceptable compromise.3
Go back to the section on communicating effectively with your partner. Put it to good use. I know from my own experience with failed relationships that the culprit was always a failure to communicate.
Disappointments are a normal part of life. We can’t expect every day to be perfect. Nevertheless, it’s nice to know we have a partner who is on our side, someone who is there for us in our time of need, and someone interested in our happiness and takes pride in being in the relationship as a team player.
To be a team player in a relationship, you need to share and appreciate one another’s priorities, values, and goals. These may change over time, but being aware of these things and discussing them is the key to an everlasting relationship.
The thing that draws two people together is having shared views of what they both want in life. Their values and dreams are in line with one another, and they understand and agree on what life is all about.
We all have boundaries and needs, and no relationship is perfect. It would be a shame to overlook the good qualities you have in a partner just because they don’t have everything perfect.
You may sometimes have differing views and not always agree on everything. Communication and understanding allow a couple to build a future together and not worry about random disagreements.
Whatever your dream of the perfect mate is, you must have a realistic view of the type of person you are compatible with.
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