Do you feel you’ve fallen for someone inappropriate for you and are letting time drift by? Discover what to do about it.
Rather than letting time drift by without further emotional growth, it’s crucial to be honest with your partner. That’s the only way you can figure out what’s wrong and make an informed decision.
Maybe they didn’t meet your needs or desires, and you overlooked that when you first met. Then you developed a feeling of affection for them anyway. What now?
The two of you might even share the same feelings about one another, and you wouldn’t know it unless you talked about it.
It’s helpful to let your partner know how you feel and what’s important to you. It’s also crucial to understand how your partner feels — to know what they want out of the relationship.
Help your partner share their thoughts and feelings with you. That includes their fears. You need to understand their concerns, just as you would want them to understand yours.
If you’re in a new relationship, or even a long-term one that’s not working out, ask your partner, “How do you feel about me?”
When you know your partner’s feelings, you can both make an intelligent decision to move forward, build a dream relationship, or end it without wasting time if you both conclude that it’s unsuitable based on your expectations.
Do you feel your partner is not emotionally involved? Here is how the Urban Dictionary describes this.1
“An emotionally unavailable partner creates barriers to intimacy and can make you feel unloved or unwanted. Emotionally Unavailable people find it hard to make time for friends and loved ones.”
As you can see, that attitude doesn’t encourage a meaningful relationship.
We need to be conscious of both sides of the issue and communicate those thoughts with our partner. That includes being aware of their good qualities and also recognizing what stands in the way.
Without considering all that, you might hesitate to make a crucial decision and end up staying in a relationship with an undesirable partner — for example, one with a personality flaw that is a deal-breaker.
I know many friends who never dealt with these issues and married someone with whom they were unhappy. Each one of them ended up getting divorced eventually.
You might have a happy life with the wrong person as long as it’s not a toxic situation and you recognize why you’re choosing to hold on.
Some people often ignore the good things about their mates. As a result, they forget the lovely things that happen in their relationship and tend to remember the bad experiences more readily.
Negative feelings have a stronger effect on decision-making. These feelings can even cause you to become judgmental due to associating them with bad memories.
I notice some friends in this situation ignore that they are indeed involved with the right person and are in a good relationship. Instead, they focus on the negatives and complain about their partner.
They could be fooling themselves and missing out on enjoying life with a wonderful person.
I have a saying I like to convey: Two people in a relationship should consider themselves team players.
That means each partner needs to be there for the other, especially in times of need, such as going through a health crisis or mourning a family member who passed away.
Communication builds trust, and we need to share all our feelings — both good and bad. Discussing all our thoughts is essential to understanding one another.
That tactic develops into a nurturing relationship, with love and respect, and will leave you with a deep appreciation for the closeness you both share.
I’ve noticed four things that cause trouble in the failed relationships I’ve studied. These are essential items for any relationship to prosper.
I have friends who ended their relationships and marriages that failed after years of togetherness. I also saw partnerships that ended abruptly. Even friendships don’t always continue. Let’s review these four essential items in detail.
I like to think of relationships as a team effort. That means partners behave as if they are on the same team, respecting one another for being there and holding one another in high esteem.
Lack of respect is a terrible behavior. I recall a friend of mine who introduced his newlywed to others as his first wife. He would say, “This is Sue, my first wife.”
I told him that he was making it clear he didn’t respect her as his true partner. Instead, he was telling the world that she was “temporary.” That’s not a sign of respect.
When you respect someone, you defend them in public and accept them without judgment. When you do that, you hold your partner close emotionally and physically. When you respect your partner, nothing can change your feelings.
In this age of online communication, face-to-face is becoming less frequent. And I learned from a drastic experience that crucial parts of correspondence are lacking when we communicate by email.
It’s essential to be able to see body language, especially facial expressions. It adds to the understanding and allows the parties involved to grasp the true meaning behind the words.
My experience occurred when I made a joke in an email, but neglected to include LOL to show that I was kidding. My girlfriend took it the wrong way and got very upset over it. I don’t blame her.
She thought I was serious and took it personally. Unfortunately, that misunderstanding can destroy a relationship.
It’s best when partners support one another, cheering each other on, whatever it is in their lives that excites and inspires them.
That is also a sign of respect because it shows acceptance of differing desires.
It’s fine that partners like to do different things. Different hobbies, for example. Or differing schedules with how they prefer to conduct their day. Some people are early risers, and others like to sleep late. They could be more prone to being a night person.
These are needs that usually can’t easily be changed. And it shouldn’t be expected. You wouldn’t want your partner to dictate precisely how they want you to conduct your life. So why request anything of the sort from them?
Do you trust your partner enough to be willing to discuss difficult issues?
I left this for last because it’s the most challenging thing to achieve. But it’s the most powerful thing that can create a lifelong bond between two people.
If you’re afraid your partner might love you any less, you might hide your emotions and desires. Unfortunately, that makes you feel something is missing in your relationship.
You’re not giving your partner a chance to prove that they care for you and accept you with all your idiosyncrasies. But when you open up and allow yourself to be vulnerable, you might discover that your desires match your partner’s aspirations quite well.
I admit that this can go the other way. You might have a partner who doesn’t accept you, and they play with your emotions. That’s not a good thing, and it’s helpful to discover that early.
If you let a relationship progress without vulnerability, the truth will eventually come out anyway. And when it does at the wrong time, it can be disastrous. Therefore, it’s best to know sooner rather than later if you are involved with someone who can’t accept you for who you are.
Challenging life issues become less stressful when two people in love are together and share the same feelings and values. That kind of love is difficult to stifle!
When you are involved and willing to discuss issues that may stand in the way of moving forward, it leads to a better understanding of what each wants from the relationship.
It helps to express your feelings. You’ll have the ability to work through difficult times as a team player in the relationship.2
More importantly, when you realize you’re with someone special, someone you feel comfortable with, you’ll know they are the right partner for a long-term relationship.
It is like a safe haven for you. You’ll appreciate your partner and won’t look for faults.
You may even find yourself desiring your partner more than ever.
Reflect on your thoughts and feelings to help make the right decision.
If you have trouble thinking of any of that, then maybe your partner is unsuitable for you.
A quote by Sam Keen, an admired American author, professor, and philosopher, said it best:
When feeling discouraged about your partner, it's best to try to remember the marvelous things about them. It’s terrific when you can be yourself with someone with whom you can relate, understand, and appreciate.
Communicating thoughts and feelings will help you understand how you truly feel about your partner. If you only remember the negative issues, you’ll resist accepting them.
On the other hand, if you genuinely are open to learning what makes your partner tick, you will have both sides of the equation in your mind.
When you know you’re involved with someone you can trust, someone who will always be there for you and understands your needs, fears, and feelings, never let them go!
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