Deal breakers often interfere with the desire to continue a relationship, but it’s helpful to recognize when it’s not so bad.
Besides obvious deal-breakers such as drug problems, poor hygiene, and dishonesty, this article reviews abusive behaviors that affect us emotionally.
Knowing when one’s attitude is toxic to one's well-being is critical, but it’s also helpful to recognize when it’s not so bad. This balanced perspective can enhance one’s satisfaction with the relationship.
We’ll occasionally have disappointments, and we need to deal with them constructively. Deal-breakers cause problems in personal relationships when neither party can accept a resolution.
The remarkable thing is that compromise rarely takes place when a deal-breaker stands in the way. Instead, one partner decides they have had enough and leaves. But there is much more to the puzzle that few people consider.
When we are in a relationship, we expect kindness, compassion, and consideration from our partner.
Sure, you do want to be with someone you can depend on. However, it must be someone you genuinely enjoy being with. It should be someone with whom you can share your life and dreams.
It’s understandable how you might feel if these things are not present in your relationship, especially when your partner is clueless. The only way to get past the dilemma is to discuss it.
If your partner has an annoying behavior, it could become a considerable disappointment. That needs to be examined in a good heart-to-heart talk.
It would help to focus on what’s troubling you — to help your partner visualize your feelings. You need to share your deepest feelings and discuss your concerns.
For example, are you never satisfied when you try to agree with things?
Or are you afraid your relationship could result in future problems, and you don’t see any growth potential?
What if you feel annoyed or irritated? It’s crucial to share all those feelings. However, if your partner is in denial when you try to discuss it with them, the effort goes nowhere.
If we cannot find a realistic solution, it could be a deal-breaker. But before you give up, try to be clear about where you’re coming from:
For example, I once dated a woman who had temper tantrums like a child. She jumped up and down, screaming when things didn’t go her way.
I tried hard to accept it, but I was dissatisfied with the outbursts. I wouldn’t think anyone would want to spend the rest of their life with a temper-tantrum-driven spouse. That would be a deal breaker for anybody with self-respect.
If you find you can’t talk with your partner to resolve issues and can’t even agree on things, one of you might be a non-listener. That will hinder the ability to deal with the issues constructively.
Both parties need to have an open mind and appreciate the reason for the disagreements. They need to express their opinions without prejudice.
Preconceived notions may stand in the way of acknowledging the essential needs of one another that need to be accepted.
Outside influence might also interfere. Either party may be more concerned about another person’s point of view.
They may need to appease and accommodate someone else who is not closely related but still has a strong influence for other reasons.
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Is the issue really a problem, or is it just something one is imagining due to a commitment issue? One’s own commitment issues can cause disagreements even when nothing is seriously wrong.
It’s helpful to be aware of irrational feelings that could hold us back, but we also need to recognize when we have an actual deal-breaker.
Problems need to be understood, especially when deciding to move forward with a relationship.
In any relationship, partners must respect one another and appreciate each other’s needs. I know this only too well. I had a friend who never appreciated the value of my time and would keep me waiting for her when we had plans.
It was always a huge disappointment when I took the blame for being late, and she never spoke up to admit it was her fault.
Were you ever treated that way? That’s not acceptable. It’s so disrespectful for one partner to let the other take the blame for their faults. Partners in a relationship should support one another.
We need to pay attention to how we feel when we are with a potential partner. For example, are we self-guarded and find it difficult to be ourselves? That’s not how we would want to spend the rest of our lives.
If you feel a potential deal-breaker is holding you back in your relationship, and you want to figure out what to do, give some thought to the following ideas:
All these questions will undoubtedly bring up strong feelings. If you still feel you’re involved in a situation that could be a deal-breaker, look at it from both sides with an open mind.
Your partner might be looking at it with similar feelings. You can work on it together so both of you can appreciate how the other is reacting.
With understanding and commitment, what may seem a deal-breaker can sometimes be ignored for the benefit of having an emotionally healthy and lasting relationship.
We all want to be with someone amiable, caring, respectful, considerate, honest, loyal, responsible, and intelligent.
These are positive traits and characteristics that matter more than anything else. And when you see that in your partner, you’ve got a keeper.
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