This inconsiderate attitude frustrates friends and partners. Learn how to handle it when people abuse your time.
This article examines examples of chronic lateness. I'll show how it feels to be with someone who fails to appreciate the value of your time, and I'll explain how to handle it in similar cases.
People usually know the difference between when someone is late occasionally due to an unintended cause and when they are chronically late for no good reason.
However, if the attitude is chronic, it could be the result of a personality disorder that displays disrespect for others. In this case it's an inconsiderate attitude that frustrates friends and partners when always keeping them waiting.
We'll explore this deeper with a couple of examples.
There are always acceptable reasons for being late—such as unexpected delays at airports, traffic on the highway, or bad weather.
Medical experts have determined chronic lateness to be related to attention-deficit disorder. According to psychotherapist Stephanie Sarkis, they call it "time blindness" because it's a difficulty with perceiving the passage of time.1
Time passes differently for various people. One of the most common reasons people are frequently late is that they can't accurately judge how long a task will take.
In addition, people who are multitaskers often tend to be late because they are involved with too many things at once and can't pull away from what they are doing.2
In a research study, Jeff Conte, a San Diego State University psychologist, found that chronic lateness can also be related to one's personality type. He discovered that "Type A" personalities tend to be on time because they are achievement-oriented, but "Type B" people are usually late because they have a laid-back attitude.3
It's inconsiderate for friends or partners always to keep you waiting, especially when it affects others in a social group.
How to Deal With It
It comes to a point when you must speak up and let them know how it's affecting you.
If their delay affects people in a social group, then ignoring the person might be the only solution to avoid being frustrated by their disrespect.
It could be a deal-breaker if they don't change their attitude and continue to be disrespectful. In that case, it could be time to leave the relationship. But if you're married, counseling might be the only solution.
Partners in a relationship should care for one another. It can become problematic when you always need to wait for your partner to get ready when meeting friends. And it can even be aggravating if you take the blame for being late and they never speak up to say it wasn't your fault.
Does this sound familiar?
I once had a friend who always disregarded other people's time. She was known to be very late when other people were involved, sometimes causing them to give up waiting.
We were good friends and were in a relationship with the potential for commitment. However, I often had to take the blame for the two of us being late when we went to meet other people, and I was waiting for her to get ready to go. That isn't very reassuring for a developing relationship.
She never realized that was a problem. And she was clueless when friends laughed, always expecting her to be late. That might just have been their way of putting me at ease with the situation.
The following is an example of one who is often late and refuses to appreciate how their attitude affects others, especially their partner in a relationship.
How It Feels Waiting Forever on Your Birthday
One day, a friend offered to take me out to dinner for my birthday. We made plans to meet at the restaurant at a specific time. After waiting about thirty minutes, I called her at home, and she said she was just leaving.
I waited another thirty minutes even though she lived only five minutes away. It was an hour now, and she was nowhere in sight!
I figured she must have been driving by now, so I called her cell phone. But I only got her voice mail. So I called her at home again, and she answered!
"You're still home?" I exclaimed! Of course, that annoyed her. Yes. She was the one annoyed. In her mind, I had no right to be upset.
When she finally arrived, I felt I had to express my feelings. Rather than keeping it bottled up inside of me all through dinner, I needed to get this off my chest so we could put it behind us and enjoy the rest of the evening.
I tried to explain how precious time is to me, and if I had known when she would arrive, I could have done some errands instead of waiting on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant for over an hour.
She got upset with me for expressing my feelings and would not allow me to feel annoyed. That was hurtful, realizing that she couldn't care less.
I knew from experience with her that I couldn't win. She had her way of looking at things only for her needs without considering how it affected others.
That was her personality—having no empathy and not respecting my feelings. That attitude is typical among people who are usually late when attending affairs with others. They have that mindset so as not to feel guilty.
Chronic lateness can affect other areas of life besides relationships. Punctuality is crucial in business. Imagine if an employee always arrives late to important meetings. They would be around very long, especially in a corporate environment.
The following story shows how to handle chronically late people in a social setting.
I had led a hiking group to explore local nature trails. I always published the meeting time and specified how long we'd wait for late arrivals. But there was one woman who never could get there in time.
We knew who was attending because they registered for the events. After waiting for the agreed time, I began the hike even though this one woman never showed up.
Fifteen minutes into the hike, my cell phone rang. It was her!
She said she had arrived and no one was there. I told her that was because we already started walking through the woods after waiting fifteen minutes for late arrivals.
She asked me to turn everyone around and come back so she could join us.
Punctuality is necessary when dealing with social situations where everyone is expected to coordinate their time. Asking others to compensate for one person who can't abide by that rule is unacceptable.
Being in a social setting, I had to consider the pleasure of everyone in the group. So I told her the path we took and said she could catch up if she walked fast.
That was unacceptable to her. She still wanted us to turn around. That lack of empathy for others is a typical attitude among people who are often chronically late.
Her insistence made it clear that she was in denial about her attitude and could not justify why others behaved toward her as they did.
So, instead, she went home rather than joining us in what turned out to be a pleasant day for the rest of us, enjoying nature.
As revealed in the above examples, people who tend to be chronically late can't take ownership of their attitude.
When one has difficulty handling the passage of time, they tend to be in denial and fail to recognize their behavior's impact on others.
Repeated chronic lateness erodes trust and creates an inconvenience for others. If it's accepted in a social setting, it can lead to animosity among group members.5
If being with such a person interferes with one's social life, ending the relationship might be considered. That would be especially so when there is no hope of improving their attitude when expressing your feelings.
If you're in a relatively new personal relationship, leaving it when a poor attitude is discovered allows you to be available for a more harmonious relationship that might be possible with someone else.
If the chronically late person is a social group member, it's easier to avoid such a person to attain harmony among others.
In either case, try to communicate your priorities, the value of your time, and the consideration of others before giving up. If they refuse to appreciate you and your values, that could be a deal-breaker.
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