Social rejection is the worst feeling. People need to feel a sense of belonging in social affairs and often adapt their behavior to feel that others accept them. Social acceptance is a way of fitting in, even when tolerating differences in other people.1
However, in some cases, it stops people from truly being themselves since they change their behavior based on the people they encounter in social activities.
It can lead to a sense of belonging. But there are adverse effects too, such as the need for conformity despite one’s desire.
It’s interesting to observe these concepts in social interactions, so let’s look into it further. I’ll discuss the sociological perspective of this and show you how to know when your friends are behaving true to their character.
When one is not true to their character, you might detect ambiguity in their behavior and lack trust in them. You could be uncertain of their intent.
But why do some people tend to act differently under diverse circumstances?
Interestingly, we all do that. We change our behavior with various people because we relate to them in different ways. To some extent, we do it for protection. We feel the urge to get along, to conform with the majority.
One might think this behavior goes against being honest and reliable. But it’s more complicated. So let’s begin by analyzing our own behavior.
What about the other way around?
That is known as the behavior uncertainty principle in human relationships.2
The Behavior Uncertainty Principle was initially developed as a law of physics by a German physicist, Werner Heisenberg. He stated that when you attempt to measure the position of a particle, you lose a precise determination of its momentum or velocity.3
I learned about that in college back in the 1970s when I studied physics. But I find it fascinating that we can apply its principle to human relationships too.
When we begin to consider it, we realize how little we actually know about another person.
With any human relationship, we learn about another person through interactions and communication. For example, we share personal thoughts in the process of getting to know one another when we meet someone new.
Some people keep things to themselves. That’s understandable. We do the same thing before we become comfortable with someone whom we have recently met. After all, we never know how they might respond to our thoughts and beliefs, such as personal opinions on life and politics.
I can take that concept a step further. Even when an intimate relationship develops, and two people get to know one another, they might not learn the same facts that someone else might know about them.
Why is that?
With respect to the questions I asked you earlier in this article, think about how you behave with various people. Do you behave the same with everyone you know? Think about that for a moment.
You might know people who fit into different lifestyle situations. For example, you might know someone who is highly educated and leads an expensive lifestyle, and you might know another person who has a remedial job.
They are both excellent people, and you appreciate their friendship. But do you engage in the same social affairs with each one?
They both have different interests due to their backgrounds, and since you enjoy both their company, you get involved with social functions that fit more closely with each of their styles.
That means you are a different person when you’re with either one of them. That is, you behave differently. You might even find it embarrassing to act a particular way with one as you do with the other.
Am I right? Did that ever happen in your social confrontations?
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Now that we have concluded that we indeed modify our behavior to suit different situations, we must consider our reality. To that point, are we being dishonest when we change our behavior to relate to various people or groups? Or are we merely being adaptable?
I think flexibility with behavior is a decent attitude. It’s one’s way of being considerate and allows one to get along with different types of people. So that’s a good thing.
In addition, it gives one a sense of belonging because they can fit in better with others.4
A professor at Swarthmore College, Solomon Asch, experimented to study conformity among people to see how students felt the urge to go along with the crowd.
Having interviewed participants after the experiment, he found that many had gone along with the group because they were concerned about being ridiculed if they had different opinions.5
That type of behavior has a significant impact on society in general. The result is deceitful behavior. It’s challenging to know if one is acting real or not. They might merely be relating to the majority to get along without actually accepting the people who have different mindsets.
They do this despite having different opinions, and conforming can overwhelm their better judgment.6
When that deceit occurs, they could fail to enjoy the pleasure of socializing with people who might share alternative enlightening thoughts and experiences.
Some people are rigid with their beliefs, desires, needs, and interests. If you know someone like that and never catch them acting any differently, then you probably know their true character. Nevertheless, it’s nice to know flexible people. They can relate to a variety of individuals without experiencing conflict.
We all have many different sides to ourselves, with no single personality. That is a perfectly normal trait, allowing one to fit in with various types of people. However, those who insist on sticking with one personality, one that they think they are, will have difficulty getting along with certain groups.7
Those who are not rigid in their ways could have a more satisfying life with varied interests. Rather than focusing on stereotypes or racial prejudice, they can appreciate people for who they are.8
As you can see, it’s often uncertain what is behind one’s character and behavior. They are not lying or two-faced. They are merely guided by two conflicting forces:
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