Discover the results of commitment issues with a failure to see a permanent relationship and a future together.
First, answer these two questions:
Whatever it is, it all relates to knowing what you want in life based on your values. The easiest way to get in touch with that is to look ahead. Imagine how things will be in the future.
People generally do indeed want to settle down and build a life together, to have beautiful memories to look back on later. However, they need to realize it while the opportunity exists. Men have this problem more than women, but some women experience it too.
When one focuses on problems and overlooks their mate’s positive aspects, they fail to commit to a permanent relationship and get married.
It’s ironic, but those who are unsure about getting married have no trouble committing to other things in life, such as making a good home, helping people, and working on their careers.
They never have a fear of committing to these things. So why do issues crop up when dealing with a commitment to a relationship? Let’s review this:
There are many types of phobias, and some create anxiety or can cause major panic attacks. Fear of commitment is a simple phobia known as Gamophobia. It may not necessarily cause panic attacks, but it still causes reluctance to consider marriage.
People with Gamophobia experience an unreasonable fear similar to when feeling a fight-or-flight reaction. In addition, the part of the brain known as the amygdala may have something to do with it, where memories of negative past experiences bring back the fear of a similar incident.1
These memories can cause hesitation to commit to a satisfying relationship that can bring joy and emotional support for a lifetime.
One sign of trouble is when people can’t share their feelings, especially when it deals with their emotions.
Discussing one’s feelings and thoughts can open the door for partners to work on a solution rather than let the relationship stagnate until their partner decides to leave.
When one can discuss their feelings and share what’s troubling them, they are more capable of reaching a mutual understanding. A significant function of communication is the sharing of emotional states.2
Communication is imperative. It’s crucial to share emotional feelings, and both partners must be willing to discuss what’s on their minds. It’s a two-way street. If one is in a relationship with a non-communicator, that’s a real problem that needs attention.
Another sign of a commitment issue is when a man focuses on disappointments.
Life has disappointments mixed in. Unfortunately, some people tend to remember those events and quickly forget the wonderful experiences they have had with someone.
If one ignores the positive things in a relationship, they may end up focusing on the unpleasant things and make those more extreme in their minds than they are.
A healthier way would be to consciously pay attention to everything good about one’s mate and the relationship in general.
One needs to be deeply immersed emotionally to be aware of their feelings. Only then would they notice the good things and appreciate their partner for what they bring to the relationship.
A critical sign is when a man doesn’t want to make plans for the future. Instead, he only thinks about the way things are at the moment.
That might not necessarily be bad. For example, if he appreciates his partner and is happy with the relationship, that feeling can continue forever. But a permanent relationship requires more than that. It needs emotional involvement.
If one doesn’t feel emotionally attached, they will not put much effort into making the relationship last.3
That could mean their partner isn’t the right one, but they can only determine that with open and honest communication. Talking about the future of the relationship and sharing deep thoughts about its path is key to making the relationship permanent.
I’m going to describe a personal experience to give you an example.
I was in relationships where I became frustrated with one thing or another, sometimes for good reasons, where there were real red flags. However, there were also times when I was unwilling to consider the good character of my girlfriend.
Here’s the story: My girlfriend was still living with her parents at the age of 37. We had mutual love and understanding. And we appreciated each other’s strengths and weaknesses. I felt like it was a safe haven being with her — what a wonderful feeling!
We discussed the possibility of marriage, but I thought she should live on her own first. I had this silly notion of wanting to see how she functioned on her own since she was under the care of her parents all her life.
How silly that was! Who cares if she didn’t know certain things because she was still with her parents? She can learn later. But I didn’t consider that at the time.
I remember several things I experienced when I first moved out on my own at the age of 20. I quickly learned the three C’s — cooking, cleaning, and caring for myself:
My point is that anyone can learn how to handle things, eventually. I was judgmental and didn’t consider all the wonderful things I knew about her. Instead, I was stubbornly focusing on my silly need to see her living independently.
Imagining unrealistic faults can sabotage the ability to commit.
Commitment comes more naturally when we make an effort to direct our focus on the positive characteristics of our partner.
The person we are with could very well have their act together and could be the exceptional person we want to live with for the rest of our lives. The only way to know that is to be emotionally available and communicate thoughts and feelings.
When good things exist, and you know in your heart that you have a quality relationship, don’t let minor issues appear to be red flags when they merely create excuses. The only way to avoid that is to get reassurance that things will work out.
That requires communicating by discussing your thoughts and expressing how they make you feel. Once partners openly share their thoughts and receive validation for their feelings, they might be more comfortable with the results.4
Knowing their partner is kind, dependable, and sharing could create a definite feeling of joy and comfort. And that’s what is needed to help make a relationship permanent.
As we grow older, finding anyone likely to be a decent partner becomes more difficult. That is for two reasons:
As for the second point, those are the ones who are capable of making a good life for themselves. That is because they learned not to be dependent on anyone else.
Some women of achievement don’t feel they need a man in their lives. I find many of these women, and they are the best. However, they are not available for a relationship.
To that point, it’s best not to let too much time pass. Instead, get in touch with knowing how you want the rest of your life to turn out.
It’s not advisable to grow old alone. Minor mishaps could turn into tragedies. The health concerns of older adults affect everyone over time. And worse, cancer and heart disease can strike when least expected among an older generation.
Some men and women are in denial and do not think about these things. However, women are genuinely interested in this since they are more inclined to have a caregiving attitude. Men desire to focus on providing support for a loved one who might lose their health with age.
Therefore, it works both ways. Loving partners are there for one another.
We merely need to find a suitable partner we enjoy being with, who we want to live with and share life with, and with whom we share similar values. Isn’t that what you want?
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